gratitude
by Ymirs
Summary: in which Ymir is willing to go against her life philosophy just to make Krista smile


_A/N:_ Just a little drabble prompted by a quote a friend sent me.

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_Yeesh. It's still a complete mess out here. _

Her gaze passed over the blood-stained debris without so much as flinching, searching the ruined streets for any signs of cadavers gone unnoticed by the first group of scouts. A light breeze tugged at her clothing, carrying with it specks of dust and the light musk of decay from the road leading to the wall, where the corpses of fallen soldiers lay awaiting their incineration. Although they'd cleared away most of the bodies a few hours ago, bits and pieces of them still lay here and there – a patch of skin, a nail, a disregarded toe or a forgotten hand; all sorts of bits and pieces of the dead remained, a constant reminder of what had happened that day. Unable to avoid it, they soon grew numb to the landscape. This was no time to be depressed, nor even angered by what they saw. If they happened to grate their feet across one of the sticky puddles which littered the road, they simply shook it off. There was no other choice, really.

Small fingers brushed against hers, and she glanced to her right, where the petite blonde girl walked beside her, large blue eyes swivelling left and right as she scanned the scene more hesitantly than her partner. While Ymir had no trouble examining what had formerly been known as the Trost District in a calm, composed manner, Krista showed clear signs of discomfort. And why wouldn't she? She was afraid that they would find yet another body belonging to a recruit they'd once known, another person they'd eaten their meals with or practiced their hand-to-hand combat with. The dark-haired girl hadn't been as affected by the death toll as her partner had been; she'd barely known half of the people who'd passed away. Why should she mourn their deaths? She'd gotten an earful from her partner upon admitting this aloud – in Krista's eyes, no matter how briefly she had known any of these people, each and every one had left some sort of impact on her. Ymir couldn't honestly agree – while she did have a certain fondness for those in the 104th trainee squad, the only person she truly cared for was right there beside her.

"I don't think we'll find anything else here," she commented, glancing up at the grey sky. "We've been at this for hours. Why don't we head back and give in our report?"

"We have to make sure there's no-one here," Krista replied.

"We've been over the area twice already."

"A third time wouldn't hurt. If you're tired, you could wait for me here. I'll only be a minute."

Rolling her eyes, Ymir continued walking alongside her friend, well aware of what was going on behind the brave tone Krista's voice had taken on. They were looking for cadavers, alright, but she knew that deep down within that kind heart she'd grown so fond of, the girl was harbouring a hope of finding something else – a survivor hidden away within the rubble, a clue as to why the colossal titan had appeared once again, something, _anything_ that would make her smile rather than break into tears. Her naivety was the only think keeping her going at this point; she used it as a barrier, something to allay the gloom which threatened to overcome her.

If it had been anyone else, Ymir would've dispelled this folly immediately, and forced them to face the bitter reality. Long ago she'd decided to see things the way they really were, rather than to allow her own feelings to cloud her judgement. After all, why bother with fool-hardy optimism when she already understood the way the world worked? She knew that fate would rear its ugly head yet again, and muddling her heart with hope would only make its strike that much worse. Unlike these people who chose to see everything through tinted goggles, she would not allow herself to be deluded by baseless faith. Pain, death, depression, it was all a part of life, and one had to simply deal with the blows as they came. Unless it affected her directly, everything was meaningless. Her existence, her life, none of it had any point, not in the world they resided in; this world complete with men and monsters, with hardly any difference between the two.

Yet, even though she thought all this, she remained silent, unable to speak what was on her mind. She wasn't with just anyone, after all. This was Krista. Selfless, kind Krista, the person who was constantly contradicting every single thing Ymir believed in. In all the hundreds of lives she must have led in the past, not once did she think she'd ever found a person such as this, someone who'd managed to crawl under her skin and threaten the very foundations of her life philosophy. Until they'd met, Ymir had never bothered with such a paltry thing as hope. After they'd met, she had to deal with it all the time; she'd grown attached to its incarnate, after all. There was no escaping it now.

She snuck a glance at Krista, not for the first time wondering just what made her a suitable comrade for the younger girl. She'd been deemed an unpleasant individual by most of the recruits she knew, and on more than one occasion even by the blonde herself. She'd tried to rattle the girl, to shatter her childish certainties of a brighter future, simply because she didn't want to see Krista disappointed when her wishes proved futile. Yet never once did the blonde give in, her determination resulting in endless stalemates between the two. And, strangely enough, even though they challenged each other on a regular basis, never once had Krista shown any sign of wishing to abandon her. She gave Ymir nothing but affection, something the world-weary girl had gone a long time without.

"There's nothing here," Krista said, unable to prevent the disappointment from seeping into her voice. It was just as she said; this route was exactly the same as others, framed by collapsed homes, mounds of rubble, and broken tiles. "It's good news, isn't it? No more bodies for us to take back."

_That's not what you were looking for in the first place, _Ymir mused. "I don't know," she said nonchalantly. Scratching the back of her head, she swept her eyes over their surroundings. "We may have missed something. Do you want to look over it one more time?"

A surprised grin spread across Krista's face, and she nodded eagerly. "Alright! Let's do it!"

_This is so stupid. So damn stupid. _She knew this, but all the same, Ymir was willing to go against everything she believed and entertain these fruitless hopes, if only to return the joy to those blue, blue eyes. Even if she had to change her world views, she would support this girl to the bitter end.

After all, whether she had wanted it or not, Krista had given her hope.

The least she could do was offer the same.


End file.
